July 2, 2006

• Why he’s not the marrying type
  

  
  

  He needs his space
  Some men aren’t comfortable sharing their space and possessions with a woman, let alone the sticky, smelly children that may come along. Here are a few signs that he prefers to be isolated: He’s a perfectionist, he’s extremely well-organized and his place is cleaner and better decorated than yours is. He needs lots of time to read. He doesn’t want to be disturbed at all when watching the History Channel or the playoffs. You get the picture.
  
  He’s married to his work
  Some guys live to work, not work to live. If his job is ever present, whether it’s frequent business trips or constant shop talk, chances are the job will take priority over a marriage.
  
  “Bill made it clear that if we even talked about marrying, the relationship would be built around his work,” says Barb, an accountant. “That was ironic, in that I made more money than he did.” For some men, though, the relationship has to wrap itself around the job. They cancel dinner plans with another couple when work beckons and just can’t make it out of town on Labor Day because they need to catch up on paperwork. If that’s how he approaches his life, do you really want to buy into that?
  
  He’s been married before and got burned
  Some guys refuse to look at their failed marriage as a “starter marriage” and instead are reluctant to saddle up again. A trial period together may help, but he’ll need a lot of pampering and therapy to get over his shell shock. And some men embody the “once burned, twice shy” saying. If he’s always referring to his ex with a variety of put-downs and expletives, you are probably with a guy who’s too angry to move forward.
  
  Also, a guy who’s paying alimony may be feeling as if he never again wants to be financially vulnerable in that way. “I once got serious with a guy who was previously married and his big fear was being driven into bankruptcy again,” recalls Marcia. “That’s what kept him away from the altar.”
  
  He has gray hair, but he’s still a 22-year-old emotionally
  Some guys never get past the incredible feeling of independence that comes with being able to stay up as late as they would like to, eat whatever they want, drop their dirty laundry wherever they want and not get yelled at. That’s a hard pattern to break. If his “boys” call the shots on the weekend, if being hung-over many mornings is fine with him, and if paying his taxes is something you have to orchestrate for him, well, your bachelor may be destined to stay that way.
  

  • 1:57 pm
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