How shy guys can win at love
Calling all shy people: Don’t you think that you’re a wallflower! You’re actually in great company with people from every walk of life who consider themselves shy — musicians, actors, lawyers, politicians, teachers, and entrepreneurs — but have risen to the top by making the most of their social style. Instead of trying to conquer your shyness, embrace it! By putting the following tips to use when it comes to meeting new people, you can fully enjoy the dating scene without ever feeling uncomfortable.
Shy Step 1: Accept that you’re sexy
If you’re shy, you may not realize how many people find you sexy, but they do! It’s not unlike folks finding nerds and geeks super-attractive (consider the appeal of stars like Beck and Jason Mraz). There is a je ne sais quoi — an indescribable attractive quality — that shy people carry. It’s the mystique factor: When you’re not effusive in conversation, it makes others intrigued by what you’re thinking. Many people are drawn to that perceived vulnerability or just turned on by the challenge of getting to know what’s behind the shy face. In social settings, you don’t have to try to be someone you’re not—realize you’re already hot.
Shy Step 2: Exercise your ears
Shy people have a Natural Born Listener gene that gives you a social advantage in any setting. In an age of narcissism where people loooove to talk about themselves (hello, blogs?!), the shy person is a most welcomed friend. Listening is a magnetic power — a creative force — and most shy people can really exercise this power. Think how the friends who really listen to you are the ones you move toward. You want to sit in their radius as though it did you good, like the sun’s rays. It’s the same thing in the dating world. When you’re a good listener, everyone around you becomes extra-lively and interesting. So let others wax eloquent and enjoy what you hear.
Shy Step 3: Be outgoing online
Shy singles and the Internet are a perfect match! Bashful guys can meet one another and open up like you never would in real life. You can keep your shyness at bay by taking time to compose each email; evaluate other singles without having to actually hit on them in person; and tell people you’re shy before a face-to-face meeting so you don’t worry about your date being turned off if you clam up a bit during the date. Practice your communication skills and share emotionally online, where you’re not overwhelmed by the fear of face-to-face rejection.
Shy Step 4: Do something that doesn’t require talking
Become a joiner—being shy has nothing to do with being social. Put together a list of things that you like to do for fun and join one organization in the next month that hosts events. You can choose from gay frisbee, karaoke, contra and square dancing, rodeo, wind surfing, poetry/writers group, bird watching, gardening, motorcycle clubs…you name it. Then attend an event or two. At group outings where the activity is the focus, there’s much less pressure to chit-chat. You’ll be occupied by what you’re doing and may find yourself talking to another hobbyist along the way—maybe even another shy guy!
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