Date: Sunday, April 24, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

i'm a confused girl w/ issues

*edit* ok i want to ask for some opinions.. i got bangs now.. im getting use to it.. BUT i wanna change  my hair color really badd i havent colored my hair for yearss for maybe around 3-4 years now... what color would go with me?? i really want blond streaks... what do u think??? plzz help me~~~

i gotz to stop drinking!!!! n u guys too...

Why do we get headaches when we're hung over?

You probably already know that alcohol is a diuretic and therefore induces dehydration. Headaches, particularly migraines, are often caused by poor hydration, which often occurs after a night of heavy drinking.

However, alcohol is also a vasodilator, which means it expands your blood vessels, including the ones in your brain. The increased pressure can lead to pain. Finally, different types of alcohols contain different chemicals that may affect chemical balances in the brain. Red wine and brandy have the most of these chemicals and are therefore more likely to cause headaches. Scotch, vodka, other "clear" spirits, and Riesling wines have the fewest.

Does alcohol cause ulcers?
If consumed in excess, alcohol can irritate the stomach lining that protects the tissue from digestive juices and can increase the production of stomach acids. This is called gastritis. However, it's unknown whether this alone can cause an ulcer or if it needs the H. pylori bacteria as an accomplice. So far, there is no clear, direct relationship between alcohol and ulcers.

Alcohol, however, can delay the healing of an ulcer, so avoid it during recovery.

Does my body weight affect how quickly I get drunk?
Here's the formula you need to remember. More fat = higher blood alcohol concentration (BAC). Why? Alcohol has a high affinity to water and will pervade all body parts that contain it. A person with a lot of body fat has a lower percentage of body water, so their BAC will be higher.

But this formula applies only to body fat. Bigger people necessarily have more body water than smaller ones. Therefore, a tall overweight guy will be less affected by alcohol than a short overweight guy, even if their body fat percentage is identical.

Are there health benefits to alcohol?
Many studies have shown that moderate drinking brings on a whole slew of health benefits, so much so that certain governments allow alcohol makers to advertise such boons on their bottles. For example, the French chalk up their high life expectancy to a glass of wine a day. It makes sense: Moderate drinkers generally live longer, don't get sick as often, and are less stressed than heavy drinkers and abstainers.

Puahaha.  I went to a tanning salon with Leslie and her friend today.  That's right.  I don't need to go to Hollywood for a Hollywood tan.  Still not dark yet, but after a couple more sessions in those cancer booths, I won't be so ghost no more.  It's kinda fun... There's music so you can sing to, while them UV cancer rays blast their heat on you, you got this fan blowing around... kinda like a nice breeze while standing around nekkid for a few minutes.  And of course I get convinced to buy some kind of bronzer thing with hemp oil.  It smells good and makes my skin silky smooth.  It must be the hemp.  And it's cool, the way you check in is by fingerprint computer technology thinga ma bobbers.  It's like FBI.  Oooh shiet.

Then I went home and took my lil brother shopping and bought him clothes he wanted and the Green Day - American Idiot cd.  Then I roughed some bottles of water and went to work. 

And then I worked and worked.  Lunched with the co-workers.  Sang to slow jams.  Mariah Carey - I Still Believe is bomb.  Ate my tee vee dinner.  Thought about shopping, but went no.  No more g's spent today.  Just to later drop some on Chik-Fil-A.  Yeah first time ever going inside one.  But how sad the play room is for 3 years old and under.  Anyhoo I'm sick of Arundel.  Too many punk ass people there.  Time to look for new job.  Fo rizzle.  The ching chong chings is so elementary school and you are WAY to old to still be an ign'rant ass motherfucker.  Just because I don't respond while I pass by, doesn't mean it's cuz I'm actually Japanese and need you telling me konnichiwa.  No more of these old guys trying to holla and give me numbers.  Kinda funny how Leslie gets the 15-16 year olds and I get the 35-40 year olds.  Gross.  Anyhoo, if someone would kindly hook me up with any other job, that would be awesome.  I'd take you on a date.

Was gonna be a movie night, but nope, a change of plans.  Thought was gonna be DVD night instead since it's 'free', but I guess I was wrong.  I guess it should just be expected since I realize some people just say things they absolutly don't mean again and again and again.  HMMPH!  And no, I don't think I'm being overdramatic.  You can just go away. 

Don't really feel like a party tonight... kinda tired and not in the mingling mood, just a stay-at-home and chill kind of night.  Out of focus, studying postponed for tomorrow.  Long day, I'm off to bed.  Prolly be up again later.

Oh yeah.  Come to PISTAHAN 2005.  Watch me serve you food.  I call lumpia.  Bitches.  Insert kick ass flyer here:

Don't go to UMBC and want ticket?  Just holla.

New layout color scheme and song playing. 

My milkshake is better than yours.

i will be hiding for about a week....If no pick up on my celli....do understand.

will be giving detail info about my new employment, but for now i feel like shit so i think i will just bury myself wth work.

What is love?  Is it a toy, something easy and sweet, just to play with?  Real love is dangerous, it got you from inside and held on tight, and if you didn't let go fast enough you might be willing to do anything for its sake.  - Alice Hoffman (Practical Magic)

If love is really just a game, why am i still feeling the pain?Posted 4/24/2005 at 11:43 PM - add eprops - add comments

i love all my friends. but im getting tired of everything ;x Posted 4/24/2005 at 1:51 PM

Date: Saturday, April 23, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

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Date: Friday, April 22, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

If you're in NYC tonight...

holay... 22 .. >_<Posted 4/22/2005 at 8:08 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment

still in protected.  Posted 4/22/2005 at 11:19 AM

MY GOOD NEWS....

TODAY IS MY FIRST DAY OF WORK....AS AN EVENT PLANNER.

TA DA~~~!!!

JENNAY ! can you make me a banner ? :] hahaha and okay ; i wont ask peter ;pPosted 4/22/2005 at 8:43 PM

i read allsions xanga and i gottuh say i really agree. last year was really fun  and this year at bronx is fun too but theres gonna be nothing like 8th grade when there was so much less stress. before, honestly, i didn't really care about losing touch that much but now i know i missed it so much ;x im losing touch with everyone except for one person at bronx; and that is pretty damn bad. there is nothing i can do about it but if i could i would change everything. but since i can't im gonna just try to make the best outta everything  im not gonna show that im mad or sad :] its always gonna be a happy me and im not gonna start with anyone anymore. well i love my aacjjmp and im gonna treat everyone equally =)<3

i bought this today [and a shitload of other stuff]. yeah yeah i
know there's the PowerShot SD400 and they just came out wif the SD500
not too long ago. but i just  the SD300! i love my new digital camera! love it love it love it!

shopping. my anti-drug. it's how one can find inner peace. [just don't let me see my visa bill.]
Posted 4/22/2005 at 3:26 PM - 6 eprops - 3 comments

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Date: Friday, April 22, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

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Date: Thursday, April 21, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

what's love?

Currently Playing Aladdin: Special Edition Soundtrack By Various Artists A Whole New World see related

I need to learn to think before I act.

I need to learn to think before I speak.

Shiet... I just need to learn to THINK.

rar rar raar rarrararar rararar

Having one of those '...wait a minute, why did I just do that?' moments.  Wooops.

Yeah... where is my Aladdin/Prince Charming/etc etc?  *sigh*  ~Donchoo dare close your eyes~

...i think im totally broke by now....empties pants....though im getting paid on saturday...60 bucks...hopefully if he doesnt decide to put it into the comp himself.....cuz...i relly need that money like literally....mum's going back to work next month....she's fucking nuts cuz...i told her to take a training class in something else so she doesnt have to sew....stupid on her part for not taking my advice....so w/e....saturday's Maria's birthday.....i think i got everything set....hopefully Alex gets back to me before tomorrow...cuz...i need him to do this huge fav for me....even if he doesnt pull thru...its not a total lost....thank goodness for public transportation...

need to take out an extra 10 bucks tomorrow....or maybe i can wait until saturday.....nah....i'll do it tomorrow....i just hope she doesnt laugh at me anymore for doing something nice......-__- makes me feel like a friggin dork.

so yea....life blows totally...Posted 4/21/2005 at 1:21 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment

i've got a headache & my eyes are puffy.  for some of you, check your protected. Posted 4/21/2005 at 3:40 PM

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It's 7:30am...and I have a major craving for Ruth's Chris Steak's FILET MIGNON....so tender..and juicy...   What the hell is wrong with me??   it's 7:30 in the morning!! NO,  I'm not in the mood for a healthy breakfast like cold cereal, juice, plain toast, and fresh fruit... maybe i should go to Denny's or Big Boy..and order a breakfast special...

Scrambled Eggs, two Bacon Strips and two Sausage Links.... I bet I can easily blow a day's worth of fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, and sodium not to mention 1,000 calories before 9am...I might as well add Hash Browns or Toast with Butter... enuf to make my blood vessels quake... Don't worry.. I have Life and Health insurance..

"random"

i think my sister is mad at me. i've tried contacting her to no avail.

***

i think my dad is upset with me because i'm moving out or not talking to him or something. i'm over trying to appease everyone. if you're going to be moody and not talk about it, be moody and not talk about it. i'm here to listen and converse, but not mediate or pacify anymore.

***

i'm mad at my mom for so many things i can't list.

***

i just bought a bed for close to a grand. i can't believe i spent that much money. but, i love my bed and for the next ten years, if i need it cleaned, i can call someone and they'll come spiff it up for me. that's right, when i'm 36, my bed will probably look better than i do.

Miller is helping me decorate my place and i'm glad i have his assistance. he's mapped out my apartment (a lot smaller than he thought it would be) and measured and is picking color swatches. it's nice to have someone by your side who can provide input and help you when you're trying to figure out finances or deal with salespeople. in fact, when i bought my bed, Miller asked about a deal he'd seen online, so he got me some free pillows out of it. as i was filling out paperwork, the salesperson asked, "is this your first big girl bed?"

i guffawed.

"what??"

1) i've lived all over the world and grown up a million and a half times and you're treating me like i've just turned 18 and am figuring out how to be independent. truth be told, it does feel a little like that, so i suppose that's why it was such a sharp point when he pierced me with that question.

secondly, you're not referring to my size, are you?!

***

Denny said to me today that the weather's getting nicer and he needs to get into shape. i replied that he looked fine. he responded:

"there's a difference between looking fine and looking fantastic!!"

AMEN to that. i told Miller that once i get settled, i'm going to make it a point to get really cut. for once in my life, i'd like to look so awesome that i'd do me. and like Denny said, when you get old and look at pics of when you were younger, you can say, "i looked hot!"

***

Claudia says that the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one.

***

when i was really depressed a couple of weekends ago, i discovered 93.1 JACK FM. it's a great radio station.

***

i went to dinner with Brian and he told me how he bumped into Curtis. i worked with both of them at a law firm in high school, when they were full-timers and i was a lowly clerk. it's almost ten years later and Brian told me that when he was chatting with Curtis, Curtis said, "that Judy Tsuei. she's grown up into a beautiful woman."

what an amazing compliment.

***

Brian and i were catching up about the week and i said, "yeah, it's full of drama, as always." he didn't hear me right and replied, "it's full of trauma?"

"that's even better! yes, full of drama and trauma!"

***

i have a physical therapist now for my foot. he's a big guy. when i first met him, he asked if i was nervous because i wouldn't stop tapping my other foot. now that i've seen him for a couple of weeks, i realize he's so absolutely sweet and the fact that he doesn't flinch when he looks at my crusty skin and scabs makes him even better. this last time i saw him, he gave me a hug.

"you're making great progress!"

"thanks, Dr. Liddy."

"you're my model patient! i've been able to use this light therapy and electro therapy on you and you're responding so well."

"Dr. Joseph said the same thing about me as a patient! he says he may even take me on Oprah when he goes on to talk about this new scar medication he and his friend have developed."

it's nice to be a goody two shoes, even long after i've graduated from school.

***

i've been incredibly anxious lately. lots of changes. both metaphorically and literally. Steve got his Fulbright Scholarship so he's moving to China soon to live there and conduct research for a year. Steph is looking for a job in NYC to move there before the year's end. Johnny's going to college. my sis is looking for a job and figuring out if she wants to continue pursue her doctoral degree. and me... i'm moving, i'm trying to figure out what to do with my career, i'm establishing new friendships, learning how to trust in people, letting go of old relationships that aren't so good for me. big things.

it's gotten to the point where i feel like i'm continually about to hiccup, air built up in my throat without anywhere to go.

***

i have a feeling that in our lifetime, the world is going to start falling apart.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2089-1572667,00.html

things will move too fast, people will be cruel, violence and intolerance will escalate. we'll destroy each other.

from my coworker T, here's a link to his full position:

http://wikisource.org/wiki/On_the_Pastoral_Care_of_Homosexual_Persons

i have a lot of gay friends as does my other coworker Claudia, who was telling me about a guy she went out with who believed that homosexuals have a choice to be the way that they are. to which her gay friends, replied, "yeah, i just chose one day to really piss off my mom. why don't you ask him when he chose to be heterosexual?"

on one of my blind dates with a Match.com guy, the one where i was home within an hour, we drove by a bar in West Hollywood and he asked, "is that one of those fag bars?"

i was supremely offended and should've gotten into it. a lot of times, i wish i would say what's on my mind and get into it. i can hold my own. i can stand my ground. and, i can almost punch like a guy.

narrow-minded horny pig.

***

i'm not perfect. i want to learn how to make mistakes and learn from them, rather than beating myself like i was one of the actors in Kung Fu Hustle. (did anyone notice how they spoke different dialects to each other throughout the whole film? Mandarin, Cantonese, then people who were obviously from different parts of China? i've spoken to my Chinese friends about that, and they said when they saw the film, it was all dubbed in Mandarin. perhaps because they were releasing it here and that people were reading the subtitles more than anything else, it didn't really matter. i was also really surprised by the good grammar and wacky wit that came through in the subtitles.)

talking to Rebecca, we both wanted to learn how to be more 'bitchy' and less humble about our assets. to embrace what we've got and not be afraid to show it. but i think it's not so much about becoming bitchy as it is being unapologetic for the way that we are. to say, "yeah, this is me. if you don't like it, that's okay, i respect your opinion. but you don't have to be here if you don't. and if you do, awesome." Miller says it goes hand in hand with confidence.

truly good and intriguing and successful and compelling people aren't bitchy at all. they just know who they are. and relish it. and run with it.

***

don't you think it's interesting that you don't really realize you're growing as you are? like in junior high, when you shot up a few inches over the summer. it was happening to you every day, but it's not like you ever felt it really. and it was just accepted, you knew it just was what it was. i've seen Skeeter's new baby and it's hard to believe that we were all that small once!

i'm trying to understand that emotionally, you kind of do the same thing. you change and you develop and one day, you realize that you're just so much bigger than you were before. different and same, all at once.

trippy.Posted 4/21/2005 at 2:40 PM

hellllo :] pink layout ;x i want a banner
OMG LOOK AT MY DELICIOUS BACKGROUND !Posted 4/21/2005 at 7:57 PM

still very sick. haven't left my house for days (except to go pick up food. lol). yeah, seriously. im officially the cave woman. i hate being so unproductive!!! >_<





if the older we get, the stronger and wiser we are (suppose) to become, then why do i feel like im only getting weaker and more ignorant as time progresses?

...

i am so sick of school.
Posted 4/21/2005 at 1:32 AM - 10 eprops - 5 comments

Date: Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIMPLZ, in 3 days!!!!! hahahaha <33 since your going off on your vacation (lucky biotch *spit*) im writing this entry now..so you can read it and think about me when ur on your private beach, drinkin a martini, catching a nice TAN..etc...on the other hand...while i sit at prince and sing happy birthday to you all by myself!!  =( 

you are a drunk!....you're always,

drunk @ a party

gettin drunk and grinding me all night longg

drinking too much cristal...

trying to pretend you dont want me to kiss you we get drunk...

drinking and bowling...

eating IHOP to get rid of your hangover...

taking drunk pictures at a park...

HAHAHA...ok...maybe your not an alcoholic...but you should start drinking some more and turn into one because your gonna be legal!! =) HAHAHA...come back from your trip and we can go...king sauna, mitsuwa, oppas house, kal guk su place, drive around and get lost, neiman marcus, drive up and down northern, cosmos, etc...we can go play <33 i miss you babyy <33 i hope you have a great, great, great birthday (i know its gonna be hard....since im not gonna be there with you)hhehehe =) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, in 3 days!! HAHAHAHA <3 love you with the passion <3 =) GC4L!! HAHAHA

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!! hehe i'm 19!!! WHOA! hehe

http://conversationswithmyself.com/content/garyb/garybrolsma.htm
watch...funni =)

It's Too Loud in NY
Listening to: The Killers - Mr. Brightside

Work is putting a serious kick in my ass. I don't sleep enough... but then again what young working fella really does. But doing the whole work in NY thing then coming back to Philly almost every weekend is taking a toll on my body... and I don't do it for fun... but when you're young you're supposed to push yourself.

Party on Saturday was "ridiculous" as aforementioned. I've never had to work so hard at an event before since some of us have a higher work etthic than others Sorry for all the faces that I haven't seen in months, that I didn't get to spend time with... I really wanted to relax for a few minutes and throw down a few, but the very least I could do is comp bottles of grey goose and hand out Yeunglings and Vodka tonics like it was a major jewish holiday. Was so tired by the end of the night that I didn't get to really enjoy the afterparty at Dave's... but seems like people made good use of the ice sculpture funnel.

Thanks again for everyone who came out, especially the huge gook contingent. Never saw that many Koreans in Philly before... next month should be much better

Anyways yea... it's almost 3am and I'm not asleep... I almost welcome delerium. It always puts me in a higher state of mind, almost reminiscent of my senior year of college. Ok enough rambling... picked up a stack of Jack Johnson and 3 Doors Down Cds... anyone want?

Pic of me and Jenn at Quo last month on St. Pattys

didn't have enough prayers...

so, i got an endless amount of For U's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so yesterday i thought would have been the long awaited and overdue death of max.

i thought wrong.  all day i had a huge grin on my face, thinking...yes!! i might get a new car!!!  but after work...that grin fell upside down...when i came home and saw that my dad had made our mechanic come to our house and look at max.  so, unfortunately, the mechanic got max a riled up.

after dropping that piece of shit off at the shop, my dad, mom, frodie and i went to Mandarin to eat ja jang myun, jam bbong, boochoo japchae, and kampoong saewoo.  yum.  so i says to my dad, "what if we fix up max and toya (frodie's car) and sell both of them.  and get brand new cars!!!"   *my brilliant idea...and huge *GRIN*

our dad's smirk should answer that...he's like.."pssshhh nigga please.  that car can go for about 10 more years."

then i try to whip out my aegyo..this always seems to work on reasonable requests...but i guess my request wasn't so reasonable to him,

cuz i got.....THE FACE.

and finally...what our family refers to as For U...

usually when things with my dad don't work out.  i go to my mom and talk her into talking my dad into doing things for me.  but then...i got the extended.  For U. 

so, fine. i admit...max still has a good 5/6 god knows how many years left.  so, fine!! i'll keep driving it around.    but, only cuz i know that i may be a little bit unreasonable with my dad.  and i know that no matter how much begging and pleading i may do...my dad will not give in.  so FUCK YOU MAX!!! you win again.  whoopdeefuckindoooo. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

::EDIT::

just saw a friend walk by my office.  i haven't seen/heard from him in such a long ass time.  last time i called him. no answer.  this time he walks right past my office window..i guess with his gf...and as im screaming out his name and banging on my office window...no answer.  U ASS!!! i think u would like to be part of the shady aftermath.  THS people will know who he is.  the "fob" of our crew.  ur gonna get a nice beating next time i see you.  freakin make me look like a diseased monkey in my office window. 

The white cat eating ...

You can see his front paw here... Count the toes~!

He's damn clean for a white stray cat isn't he?  Aww ...

 

taken from andi

1. What does your xanga name mean and how'd you come up with it?
 (i've gone over this explanation soooo many times) bo0Lyuhw0o literally means fire fox but the meaning in korean is not a good thing.  it means bitch with a really bad attitude.  (which is true for the most part~) i went on years not knowing the real meaning.  i just thought it had a nice ring to it.

2. Elaborate on your profile pic.
my current mac shadow collection which will keep on growing and growing.  there are

3. Who introduced xanga to you?
i think it was my sister.  i called her gay and made fun of her for having an online journal.  yyyyyea~

4. How many friends do you have?
a good amount that are genuine, sweet and true. and a handful of best girlfriends.

5. What's your current status?
in a serious relationship (2 years+) with the perfect, most loving,caring & thoughtful man.  i'll stop here since some of you peeps still need to eat lunch.

6. What are you wearing right now?
a magenta colored t-shirt that has the characters from & says where the wild things are,  (loved that book as a kid)  jeans with a thin,white pullover wrapped around the hips and my crazy high wedge sandals~

7. What is life to you?
having fun, acheiving goals, learning from your mistakes & others, overcoming obstacles, gaining experience, loving yourself & others.  life is precious and should never be taken for granted.  live it and love it. 

8. What are you doing now?
filling out this survey and searching for ringtones.

9. What do you hate most?
creepy crawly things, slow drivers, manipulative fugly ass bitches like the one in my office, ignorant & stupid people, being called "oriental", cat calls by short, dirty jalepenos, telemarketers, the list can go on & on......

10. What do you love most?
my family, my 2 cats and jindo, my girls & paco!  (in that order) the feel of driving with the top down, perfect weather (70-75 degree range, blue skies, warm with a cool & dry breeze), my bed, makeup....etc.

11. What makes you happy?
food, money, music, going on vacation, having the day off (when not expected), palm trees, clear blue skies & water, summer night sky filled with lots of twinkling stars (i need a freakin' vacation), surprises, presents, fresh flowers, giving ppl makeovers and of course my paco~!

12. Are you musically inclined?
10 years of piano, 12 years of flute (with no private lessons other than the ones that were given and mandatory at school) i've got an ear for music.  love listening/dancing to it & love singing.  (i'm just glad that i don't sing off key)  i'm going to agree with spacegrl that music lessons for future children to come are a MUST.    

13. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found that the person you love most doesn't exist?
what kind of depressing question is this?  i'm going to throw a party and celebrate.  c'mon now~!

14. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
i wouldn't change a thing.  the good experiences and bad, i'm glad or have accepted things happened the way it did for i would've never learned.  actually there is one.  to have let my grandfather see us grow up & be there for us instead of passing so soon.    

15. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what will you be?
cat.  eat and sleep all day~

16. Ever had a near death experience?
not that i recall but i'm sure that the others that have been in the car while i was driving have something to say otherwise. 

17. Name ONE obvious quality you have.
small frodie hands.

18. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
jolly holiday with mary (mary poppins) thanxs andi~!!!  

19. Are you happy today?
yes~ it's paco day. 

20. Who will cut and paste this first?
maybe my sister?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my search for ringtones are over~ yay!!!  my new cellphone is great but it came with some shitty ass ringtones.  i mean really GAY!

anyways, i've got to thank a very kind xangan for sending me a shitload of mmf files.  i've got 21,0000+ songs to look through.  it took me all day to figure out how to get them onto my phone.  i searched high and low through google & cellphone forums to find out i needed to download a psm player to convert my mmf files to mid files.  this should keep me occupied for the rest of the week~

thank you~!! thank you~!!! 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i apologize for the gay entries these days.  for something REALLY amusing... a look into my quirky family go here. 

CCCCCB+B CC C:CB=CCB#B,CB=CCC C:CCCC3B#B,CCCC3C C:B0CCCB#B,B0CCCB6B(BPosted 4/20/2005 at 2:04 AM - 6 eprops - 3 comments

a fantastic news coming up soon....Posted 4/20/2005 at 6:12 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment

My nose bled in the shower again. It's like artwork the way it flows with the water. I'm not sure what its fucking excuse was this time but maybe it was from confusion. I swear I was driving thru DC trying to decide if taking public transportation would be better tonight, that was ten minutes ago.

You really mess with my mind, Beebs. Or am I doing it?

I always thought people believed me to be outofmymind sometimes. Or maybe that's just me when I'm out of it.

Why I'm breathing so hard as I ponder this and watch my fingers push on the keys like they have a mindoftheirown, I'm unsure. I fear, justabouteverything.

I'm jittery, not caffeinejittery nor nicotinecravingjittery.

Huhhh...stop. Now. I can't breathe, I'll be right back.


If it weren't so real, dammit. It's in the book, in the market, right in front of my eyes on this damn screen!
And that fisherman...go fish someplace else! Don't fuck with me! I've waited forever and you just-      wait.....wait...

no. I'm here, not there. I'm across the goddamn country.

But but wait.....no, I think I'll drive. Yeah, I'll pick you up. This is way better. I hope you know your way around. It'll be fun.

"once again, Mood Analysis Test Results"

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has gone before'. It is the unusual that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.

Your involvements seldom measure up to your high emotional expectations and your 'needs' to be 'loved' and 'cared for' have in the past often led to extreme disappointment. But a change is in the wind - make a firm decision to start anew. Just 'think' it..and it will happen.

You are presently experiencing excessive stress as a result of self-restraint. You act and think differently from the common herd and you want to be liked and admired for yourself and to associate with people who feel and act as you do. Because of this need to be self-reliant and to break away from mediocrity, you are finding this situation most uncomfortable and you are experiencing considerable anxiety - perhaps even more than you feel the capacity to cope with. You need to find a 'soul mate', someone whose standards are as high as your own - but where? Keep on searching... The situation is uncomfortable and you would like to break away from it, but you refuse to compromise with your opinions. You are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of necessary decisions. You are stubborn but this is no deterrent to a happy life, so why drop your standards. Think positively, everything will work out. It has worked out successfully for you in the past and it will again in the future.

The tensions that you are trying to cope with are a result of conditions which are really beyond your control. As a consequence of this almost impossible situation and not being able to get your own way, you are subjected to frustration and almost ungovernable anger. You are trying to remedy the situation but the stress that you are experiencing is making the situation even worse. You feel so inadequate that you are not quite sure which way to turn. A good suggestion would to be to try to relieve the stress and anxiety by participating in some very active physical activity which will relieve your tension.Posted 4/20/2005 at 4:15 PM

OMG mrs. veetal fucking SUCKS >:OPosted 4/20/2005 at 6:42 PM

Won the hearing~~~~~

HE always give miracles in my life!!!!!!!!!!

I was so so frightened on that day~~~ I didnt expect the police officer would come for the hearing! When I saw him appear...realli wanna die, and I thought I will pay a lot if I lose~~ at least $350! Eventually, I won! NO need to pay, even a penny~~~ what's a mircle!!!!!!

HE is always the one with righteousness!! Praise HE!

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Spring Break is coming, Summer is coming...Hot weather is coming!

How to bye bye fatty?? um................ mystery~~

Date: Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOOOOF <33 i love youuuu u drunken monkey <3

Posted 4/19/2005 at 2:25 PM - 14 eprops - 8 comments

cruise party on 22nd and foam party on 30th..Posted 4/19/2005 at 12:10 PM - 2 eprops - 2 comments

 Ji & PoOfz Bday @ SupperClub~*^^*

Enuff said.... Just LoOk 0.0

R. I. P. MAX.

this is your third time.  3 strikes and yOoUuRrRR OUT!!!

max has given up on me plenty of times before.  the first couple times were on the road.  but today is the third time it really died....right before leaving for work.  its not the battery cuz the music was pumpin pretty loud and all the stations were coming out...but when i turned the key to start the car up no noise...even when i press the accelerator...nothing.  most people are sad/depressed when their car dies...but im pretty damn happy!!! im just praying that my dad doesn't take it to the mechanic and try to fix him up again. 

we've got to pray just to make it today.

we've got to pray. PRAY. pray. PRAY.

ok, fine..i'll admit i had some pretty good memories with that car.  it's taken me everywhere while i was in college. our many trips out to nyc from easton ave, trips to ac, trips to mohegan, our road trips to maryland/rhode island, even our 534987239457 trips to chicago and back.  and lets not forget the infamous accidents.   but when its time...ITS TIME!! so, PLEASE PLEASE JUST DIE YOU OLD PIECE OF SHIT!!! damn you.  

P.S. to those of u in college.  i know finals are rolling around.  so, g'luck!!!

lets make a deal.  u pray for the death of max and i pray for ur straight A's.

Currently Reading Jarhead : A Marine's Chronicle of the Gulf War and Other Battles By Anthony Swofford see related

i'm waiting for lab to start...kind of a waste of a pretty day....i could be outside playing raquet ball.....or rolelrbladding or something.....but no...im stuck here for lab...eh ....so i started reading this book we had to read for eng this week and its like...so freaking disturbing...like tis nothing gorey or morbid or anything liek that...its the way the narrator acts ....is jsut....disturbing....and people know it takes a lot to disturb me..so this is as disturbign as it gets.....

anyway....i finished all the work i had to do...my midterm paper for eng...and my critique for "A Dream's Play".....so im duty free the rest of the week besides having to read which i have no prob with..::nods:: cant wait til next week...RHODE ISLAND!!!!! YAY!...tho....i hope it doesnt start gettign cold again...thatd be so fucked up...

im gonna sign up for art classes againa t the education alliance....not sure if maria wants to sign up......gonna drag mo with me and see if she wants to come....so yea....everythig is ok....for now....

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions.

*************************************************************

i think i have done well in finding my perfect match~ ^^*

I love this icon cuz it reflects exactly how I've been feelin' lately... CHALLENGES are what make life interesting.. OVERCOMING them is what makes life meaningful...

You can travel the world
But you can't run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
You're searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can see
Just be
Just be

They say learning to love yourself
Is the first step
But you take what you want to be real
Flying on planes exotic locations
Won't teach you
How you how to feel
Beside the fact
That you are who you are
And nothing can change that believe
Just be
Just be

Cause now I know
Is not so far
To where I go
There's not this spot
Since this I feel
I need
To just be
Just be
I was lost
And I'm still lost
But I feel so much better

Cause now I know
Is not so far
To where I go
There's not this spot
Since this I feel
I need
To just be
Just be

im starting to realize it -_-
why dont you people just keep yur shit to yourself
yo i hate when people ruin yur fucking fine day
fuck you bitch

i have a cold. a very bad one. yeap, right before midterms. isn't that just GREAT?

i feel so miserable right now. sniff. sniff. cough x 2

edit: sometimes i wish time would stop, so i can have all the time in the world to get things done.
Posted 4/19/2005 at 8:59 AM - 8 eprops - 4 comments

Date: Monday, April 18, 2005

Username:
vivi8lue

back home w/ diploma
on to a new life

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOOOOF <33 i love youuuu u drunken monkey <3

=( no more acting...*sigHz* oh wellz...skool more important Posted 4/18/2005 at 2:35 AM - 2 eprops - 1 comment

Long exhausting weekend... party was ridiculous... update more in a bit.

Wow... Adobe is going to buy Macromedia for $3.4 billion...
Yahoo.

Btw it is currently 75 degrees in Manhattan... holy geez.

THE BIGGEST LOSER

you all know that show right?  the person who loses the most wins. yay!!

so, four of us are in it.  except we have a little twist. 

guys: mohm kee wuh  mMmMmmMm dRoOL dRoOL

girls: lose ** pounds up to a goal weight.

deadline is august 15th.

our penalty is that whoever doesn't make it to their goal buys everyone dinner.  i dunno maybe its just me, but id rather get money or something other than food for a prize. 

HaPpy BirThdaY tO u~ HaPpy BIrThdaY to U~ HapPy bIrTHDaY dear poofY HAPppY BiRTdhAY To u~* mwa mwa mwa<333333

hope u had fun on ur birthday!!! i love u MmWA~! <3333

this is my grl poof... its her birthday today... b4 she gets drunk........

after...........

lolzzz hahhaha u drunkarddddddddddd

i <3 u* ;]

guess what time it is~~~~~??????

PICTURE TIMEEEEEEEEEEE (lolz lisa)

on saturday 4/9 b4 party

G picked me up

lolz gangsta wanna b? hahhahah

picked up paula from work...

paula all exceited for the party!! LETS PARTAYYYYY

*g'z spot* light

then paula got jelous cus i only gave g the spot light....

ok i didnt even take ONEEEEEEE picture on my birthday cus it was maddd hectic when i got there and i got too fuked up too fast... ;x

but moreee pictures on 4/16th HapPPpYy birthdDay tO my *LOveLY* OPPA G UNITTTTTTTT lolz hahhaha SHANG DAE RI BANG DAE RI MUTHA FOCKA~~!! yea? yea?? i love u~~~ kekeke lolzzzzz

could polla & i get some kisses???? ;]

plz? we give u a wink and some smiles~ ;P

no?? fine.... now polla'z sad.....

hahha polla and i were just buggin out while g was gettin ready for her & poofz birthday OMFG PAULA IS JUST SOOOOO IRRESISTIBLE!!!!!!

hahahaha we look like we're not wearing anythingggg lolzzz oOoofz polla's just too sexyYYyy

ok thats it for noww to b continued....

peaceeeeeeee i love my ja gi~ *wink wink*

polla: "peace out doggiez"

Currently Playing Choral Masterpieces By Wayne Baughman, Johann Sebastian Bach, Ludwig van Beethoven, Hector Berlioz, Johannes Brahms, Maurice Durufle, George Frideric Handel, Franz Joseph Haydn, Felix Mendelssohn, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart see related

i made a pact with myself the last couple of months.....if i dont find anythign worth my while out of life by my 45th birthday....im calling it quits and hello carbon monoxide gas....i'm sick of hearing people's bullshit and i'm sick of people in general.....

all i'll say is this.....i came into this world as nothing...and i'll die the same way...as nothing......that is my contract....

hm... so girls night out friday... had a yummy dinner, ice cream :9 and then we watched Ray . Good movie, good movie. It's always great hanging with mah CCA gals.

Saturday took Lisa and Namhi to the Sakura Matsuri in Jtown. Lots of people and good food ^_^. Then I cabbed it with my old roomate and some of my HS friends to DragonBar. We got there so late... but it was fun. We celebrated the end of the girls MCATs ^^.

Sunday I went back to Jtown for lunch at the festival with lauren.. hee hee.. then i went to the Animal Shelter to take photographs of some of the animals for my photography class. THEY WERE SO CUTE!!! Some new kittens were there... the lady was really nice and let me see them . All the other kitties were cute too ^_^. I wanted to take them all home with me.. haha.. oh~ and then there were puppies and bunnies too! . I hope some of my photos come out.

and to top it off for the weekend... the bf's ex decided to post a link to this page on her away message... she wanted to point out to her friends how "ugly" i am. I guess it makes her feel better? I dunno. I suppose we girls just do that... Ex's never like the new girl.. and vise versa. Especially when the break up is bad. Posted 4/18/2005 at 2:41 AM - 4 eprops - 2 comments

*edit*

anyone know where i can get free ringtones?  any reviews on 3gupload.com?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DICKHEADS LIKE THIS......

i was on my way to flushing yesterday experiencing some major traffic on the gwb & harlem river drive.  i happened to be behind this car. 
a dark gray volkswagen toureg with the NY license plate that read VMP-663.  you may be wondering as to why i'm letting everyone know.....

there was a guy, girlfriend/wife(?) on the passenger side and a labrador in the back seat.  the car had tinted windows so i couldn't see clearly.  but, i wasn't able to not see that the dog was barking at the cars going by and the man driving the toureg turned aroud to beat the dog repeatedly in traffic.  not just once but several times with his fist.  whether the dog did not like car rides and was barking or the dog just has a bad habit of barking a lot does NOT give anyone a reason to beat an animal.. WTF!!!  the lady on the passenger side didn't seem to mind until about the third time around when the two started arguing about the dog.  the guy looked like he was going to beat her ass too. 

i was extremely disturbed and pissed with what i was seeing.  there were cars trying to cut in between the toureg and i but i wasn't letting anyone through.  i got on my cell phone, calling information to get highway patrol or something.  whenever i experience trouble on the highway (usually with 18 wheelers) i call the highway patrol.  i have numbers for nj & ct saved in my phonebook.  anyways, i ended up dealing with some bitch operator that kept insisting a fuckin' city and state.  after about 3 minutes of dealing with her, she told me there was no such thing. 
thanx for nothing ASSHOLE!  i dialed information again to see if i can get a different operator but my phone battery died.  GREAT!

 i kept getting visions that the idiot was going to fling open the car door and push the dog out.  (i've actually seen that happen once)  it was damn horrifying.  i should've followed that prick to wherever he was going and serve some justice for that poor dog but i didn't. i'm going to get myself a car charger so shit like this doesn't happen again. 

Today's a cold day in LA, and I hate those 3am phone calls more than I hate Mondays. 

My dad's only brother attempted suicide last night.  I still don't know if he was successful, but as of 3am Pacific Daylight Time and 6pm Taiwan time, my uncle had already downed 300 sleeping pills before making one last phone call to my dad, located 16 time zones away.

I dread those 3am calls.  I dread making them.  But I think I dread receiving them even more.

My dad's only brother.  Amongst all of the Tsay clan (my mother's side included), he was the only one who managed to become that most coveted and noble profession of all professions:  a doctor.

Why is it that 3am calls are always from family members, no matter how seemingly fallen off the face of the earth, how geographically or emotionally distant, those 3am calls always manage to find family?  Is it a testament to the unbreakable bonds of family ties?  Or is it because at 3am, in that 13th hour of dire need, family is the only one that will pick up the phone?

My uncle, the doctor, who ran a successful medical practice back in the day, where the line to see him literally extended out the door, down the street, and around the corner.  It was first come, first serve and if you didn't get a chance to see the doctor today, come back tomorrow, stand in the same line, and try again.  Protocol similar to your modern-day American Free Clinic, only this clinic was not free.

How is it that 3am calls always happen at 3am on a Sunday night even when the despairing party is calling at 6pm on a Monday evening?

But good things can't last, at least not for very long.  The doctor's wife passed away, his children grew up to ignore and despise him, the doctor himself became addicted to prescription medication, and the practice went under and nobody wanted to see the good doctor anymore, let alone stand in line all day.

Why am I awake some nights at 3am, feeling unsettled, unable to shut my brain off and quiet down into sleep mode?  Is it because I'm expecting a 3am call...or contemplating making one?

I dunno when was the last time my dad saw his younger brother.  All I know is it's been awhile.  I've never met my only uncle on my father's side.  All I know is he looks exactly like my dad, just fairer-skinned.  And now in his 13th hour, in his moment of dire need, he calls my dad at 3am, to say a final goodbye before nodding off for a good long time.

I hate those 3am calls.

"piano playing"

over the weekend, i went to my car to find a pair of flip flops i'd left in the trunk. in doing so, i came across pages of music that i'd left in the side pocket. awhile back, i was so gungho about learning how to play piano again and even the cello. that fell by the wayside as the hours in my day gave way to so many other obligations and commitments. i brought the pages back inside the house, dropped the flip flops on the floor by my side, sat down at the piano, and began to tinker away. how lovely it was to do something completely unrelated to anything i do the rest of my days.

it got me to thinking about how impatient i am. usually, in learning how to play piano, you master each hand individually, then you combine them to play in harmony or unison or even discord, if that's what the composer calls for. whatever the outcome may be, it takes time to perfect what your right hand should do as well as your left.

what do i do?

i immediately try to play both hands together. i can't wait. i want to hear the perfect pitch. i want the outcome to arrive before i'm ready for it.

and what happens?

usually, the song becomes chopped up due to my impatient interpretation. i stall, i stutter, i make up notes that shouldn't be there, or backtrack to hit the ones that should. and this is how i live life.

i don't let the process happen because i'm so anxious about how it's going to turn out. the less time i give to the preparation, to understanding that it's these interim steps which make up the entire experience so that the outcome will be something truly worthwhile, deserving and enjoyable, then the more time i waste in being frustrated that it's just not right. that i can't get it right.

this behavior is coming to the forefront more and more.

i have to stop searching for the answer, because oftentimes, i don't even know what the question is. i just know i want a response. iif i just keep being me and i stop worrying about pleasing everything and controlling all possibilities under the sun, then maybe, just maybe, i'll find all the things i want without even really having to look.

i've been listening to a tape lent to me by my old old coworker Brian. it says that we're wired to be happy, that the universe is set so that we can get everything that we want. but it's because we get in our own ways that it doesn't end up happening. if we would just be true to ourselves and recognize that we can't please everyone in the world, nor are we meant to. then we'll find our fill and then some.

i keep asking why i can't find people who are willing to commit to me. and basically, it's because i don't think i'm worth committing to. how sad is that?

i'm attracted to people who are going to verify what i believe about myself. i'm going to rush forward to figure it all out, without letting time pass and have that help weed out what should and shouldn't be.

my coworker and i are trying to adopt a "bitch, please!" attitude. there's a guy who's come into my life from the internet dating article i had to do, and while he was straightforward with what he wanted and i thought i was in the same boat, i've definitely jumped ship and started to drown in my thoughts. he's still floating on by. i need something more fulfilling and i can't believe that i'm letting him get to me. this morning, i woke up and thought, "FUCKER! this guy is shorter than me and he's studying to become a stylist. i'm smarter, i'm hotter, i've probably done more with my life than he has in 32 years. and i'm sitting here wondering why he doesn't want to date me? why he doesn't want more with me? bitch, please!"

now if only i could truly embrace that and believe it and think that the universe will deliver me exactly what i'm looking for.

i guess the only thing i can do is be true to myself. and learn my lessons and practice my notes until i'm ready to put both hands together and play some kick-ass music.
Posted 4/18/2005 at 6:59 PM